Confession: I'm Scared He Won't Come Home From Deployment

Welcome to the third post of our Confessions series. If you missed the first two, let’s recap :)

We started off this series talking about how military life isn’t always what we expect. Then we moved into how frustrating military life can be, but that we shouldn’t push the blame to our husbands. If you want to go back and read those, click the images below. They’re worth your time.

Let’s shift into this week’s confession. 

I’m Scared My Husband Won’t Come Home From Deployment

You are not alone.

Maybe you haven’t experienced a deployment yet. Maybe you’ve been through a dozen or more in your military wife journey so far.

Either way, this fear crosses the minds of every single one of us. Every military wife worries he won’t come home. Every wife worries about the potential for a dangerous assignment, even if it never becomes a reality. Every wife lives with this in the back of her mind whether she lets it break through into a raging panic or lets it simmer on the back burner.

But what can we do about it? How do we continue to function as military wives without feeling paralyzed by fear of him not coming home?

Don’t Ignore It

Take inventory of how you are feeling on a regular basis and use your fears as red flag warnings. If you notice your anxiety creeping higher or your worries becoming overwhelming, it’s time to pay attention. Ignoring the fear of him not coming home won’t make the worries go away. Those fears will turn toxic and ultimately be detrimental to you and your marriage. Acknowledge it as a valid concern, that you aren’t alone, but how it isn’t okay to ignore.

Recognize it as fear

Did you know the Bible talks about fear more than 365 times? There are enough verses encouraging us to not be afraid for every day of the year. Living in fear might be something we all know and understand, but it is also a way Satan loves to hijack our minds. We need to recognize some of our worries are fear and stand firm against the power it can hold over us. Living in fear of your husband not coming home from a deployment can paralyze you and keep you from living out your purpose as a military wife. 

Write it down

Put your worries and fears on paper. Speak them out loud to a trusted friend or mentor. When you get your concerns, worries, and fears out of your head, they lose power over you. It is easy to start spiraling our thoughts when we don’t have a healthy outlet. If you don’t feel like you have someone in your life you trust to listen, write it all down in a notebook. You can burn the notebook when it is full and no one ever has to read your real, vulnerable fears, but at least they have lost their grip on your mind.

Don’t isolate yourself

“Fear can only grow in darkness. Once you face fear with light, you win.” - Steve Maraboli

Turning on the light can look like inviting a friend over for dinner, meeting someone for coffee, joining a church, attending a Bible study, or taking a class at the gym. Isolating yourself is equal to staying in the dark, and the darkness grows without light. You can’t go through military wife life alone, especially when your fears of your husband not coming home are creeping to the surface. We need each other during these times.

Trust the Lord

When you find yourself plagued with fear and worry about your husband coming home safe from deployment, it is absolutely essential you turn to the Lord. Knowing and learning the characteristics of our Father in Heaven will be the best help of all. God offers comfort to all. We can cling to this promise when we feel scared. 

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.” 2 Corinthians 1:3

He also promises us protection. When worry creeps in, you can cling to the promise of the Lord protecting you and your husband. One of my favorite verses of all time,

“He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:4

And I find it quite fitting that the very next verse in that chapter says, “Do not be afraid…” Our God is a good God and he will hold you when you need to be held. He will protect and comfort you if you come to him with an open heart.

The stressors, worries, and fears of military wife life will never fade away. Don’t ever think you’ll get to a place where you are numb to these feelings. That’s not the point. We don’t want to ignore them, but we absolutely need the right tools to keep a healthy mindset as a military wife.

Is there anything else you would add?