Vacationing as a Military Family
Ten years ago, we loaded our tiny newborn in her carseat, strapped her into a military aircraft and flew from Travis AFB to the East Coast for a family vacation. We utilized Space A in all its glory and saved hundreds of dollars on flights and travel. We had a tight itinerary and planned to see every friend and family member we hadn't seen since moving from the east coast to the west coast the previous summer. We saw our parents, grandparents, cousins, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and friends. We spent so much of our time in the car driving every which way, it hardly felt like a vacation. My husband took leave for over two weeks to make this trip happen, leaving us with minimal time throughout the rest of the year to take a trip with just our small family of three. But this is what military families have to do, right? Taking leave for a vacation means visiting family, right? That’s how military family vacations go, right?
Fast forward an entire decade and our family vacations look a little different.
This spring we set off from Chesapeake, Virginia to Orlando, FL in our SUV. It was just the six of us (our family has grown in a decade) and we had no concrete plans to visit family. On the front end of the trip we attended a friend’s wedding and then continued on to Universal Studios and Walt Disney World. We found time to stop in and visit military friends and a grandparent on the way because we wanted to not because we had to and arrived with a loose itinerary over the next seven days. Sure, I planned like a crazy-person for a month leading up to the trip (because Disney for six people is no small thing) but the goal of the trip was connectedness and memory-making. I hired a travel agent to maximize our time at both parks and leave me feeling less stressed about the details. Throughout the vacation we shared pictures with our friends and family along the way, but focused primarily on our own six people. It was a family vacation in the truest definition.
As a military family, do your vacations look more like the first example or the second?
It’s nothing to be ashamed of or hurt by, it’s a fact of life within our community, but I want to point out the importance of making time for you and your family outside of visiting extended family. This is no easy task, so don’t be discouraged if your family vacations have always looked like the first example since becoming a military family. Because we are separated from our home towns and extended families, it is absolutely necessary to make time for those relationships. This, however, does not mean you have to sacrifice your own family vacations.
When I started to shift my mindset about family vacations, I had to understand two main things:
1. Vacations are meant to be a time of refreshing
When I was able to take a step back and look at how my husband’s leave was being spent, it wasn’t always as a time of refreshment for our family. Military families have to sacrifice a lot and your service member is given time off IN ORDER TO reset, refresh, and connect with family SO THAT he can continue to do his job well. Our previous vacations spent visiting extended family weren’t always checking those boxes and would often leave us feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and disconnected.
2. My primary priority, as a military wife, is the health and well-being of my military family
I spent many years prioritizing the wrong things. As a wife and mother, it is part of my calling to look after the humans in my immediate family. Yes, I am still called to be a sister, daughter, granddaughter, etc, but those are secondary to my immediate six-person family. My priorities and the time I spend investing in these relationships must reflect the correct order of priorities. If and only if my immediate family is well cared for, rested, refreshed, and united, can I pour into and invest in our extended families.
I challenge you to create a goal for a family vacation this calendar year. There are no rules other than it must be about you, your husband, and your children if you have them. You do not have to visit friends or family along the way if you don’t want to.
You must aim to be refreshed as a family unit.
You must aim to have fun together.
You must aim to release any preconceived notions about what you think a family vacation has to be.
It can be one night away in your local area. It can be ten days on a tropical island. It can look however you want it to look, but I challenge you to make it happen. Make it happen for your people. Make it happen because you love them, care for them, and want the best for them. Make a vacation happen this year because it is necessary to stay connected as a military family.