battling loneliness as a military wife
I was on the phone with another Navy wife last night and we started unburdening our souls to each other, specifically letting each other know how lonely we felt this year. I complained to her how frustrated I was with the military's COVID guidelines even though I understood the reasoning behind them. I allowed myself to enter into a safe conversation, a place I could vent with no judgement. And she was given the same chance to vocalize her thoughts.
[Side note: What a gift a friend like this is, right? It's important to be able to find your people, even if and when they move half a world away and you battle time zones to stay connected. It's worth it.]
One thing she said during our chat was, "Heather, we just have to keep trusting the Lord. Trust Him."
I would love to sit here and tell you everything felt better in the moment, but truthfully I think I eyerolled her through the phone. And because she is the kind of friend I don't sugarcoat life with, I told her how hard it is to trust God when life felt so isolating this year.
We, as military families, have to be okay with each others’ decisions whether or not to meet at the park for a playdate.
We have to understand some commands are different and not everyone is allowed to be in large groups right now. Still.
We have to be okay with respecting rules we don’t necessarily agree with.
I told her how much easier this season would be if Jesus would illuminate the next few puzzle pieces of my life, so I can see why this time of suffering is essential.
I complained.
I whined.
And then I submitted to the temporary suck and allowed her to help change my mood.
As military wives, we regularly have to welcome loneliness into our story, but there's a difference between feeling the emotion and attaching it to our identity.
As we continued our conversation, I told her how angry I was at Satan. He's tricked me more times than I can count this year.
Instead of telling myself "This year is hard and this isolating situation is temporary."
I believed the lie "There must be something wrong with me because I can't make new friends right now. I guess being lonely is my new normal, so I better get used to it."
Seeing the disconnect between these two statements on the page makes me realize how ridiculous my internal thoughts can be. But they're real and I know I'm not alone in them.
In fact, while I was confessing this on the phone last night, my friend was agreeing whole-heartedly. She felt this, too.
And if there are two of us, there are more.
Battling Loneliness as a Military Wife
Have you come to expect loneliness as your new normal?
Does it feel burdensome to stay connected to friends after a year of isolation?
Are you believing ridiculous lies about your identity?
Do you crave connection but feel hopeless?
Sure, the world is slowly opening back up, but the military guidelines aren't lifting as fast. Yes, we need to be obedient, but how do we navigate connectedness in a world that feels so lonely?
As I hung up the phone last night, I made promises to myself.
I promised I would call at least one friend every single day this week. Someone new each day. Not just a text, but a real phone call.
I promised myself I would get a park playdate on the calendar. Some outside time with friends.
I promised myself the temporary discomfort of stepping back into the world for the lasting benefit of real connection.
It's hard to put yourself out there. It's hard to want to set up a coffee date and get rejected because the other person isn't quite ready to go out in public yet. It's hard, but it must be done.
Just because you feel lonely, friend, doesn't mean loneliness is part of your identity. Overcome the obstacles, stay humble, and give grace. But don't give up.
Did you know I have a quiz? Find out which military wife you are or hop over to the resource page for more tools as you navigate military wife life.
