fall's hottest trend is not divorce
Have you heard about the latest fall trend?
According to a recent Jezebel article, “Fall’s hottest trend is getting rid of the man who thought he was really helping out around the house. Here are some good reasons to divorce your husband this fall.”
Okay, can we NOT??
There are so many things wrong with this, but before we dive in, I do want to recognize something very timely and important.
Post-pandemic divorce rates are increasing. There is a real issue taking place in our society today. You can imagine, with everything we are going through as a nation and throughout our world, how marriages would start to suffer.
The originally cited article isn’t specific to military families, so it talks about things like major job losses adding to the stress of a family. That may be one thing we don’t have looming over our heads, but as military families, we feel the impact in different ways.
Within the past 18 or so months, as military families, we’ve seen:
Drastic changes in our children’s education
Wives losing jobs
Wives being forced to quit jobs in order to stay home with children
Unexpected deployments
Extended deployment timelines
Increased PCS frustrations
More time than ever before being spent together
It’s a recipe for struggle, but not necessarily disaster. Each and every one of these hardships bleeds into marriage and drives wedges into the relationship if we aren’t careful.
Let me be clear. I am in no way glossing over the fact that life is hard right now. We all recognize the impact this pandemic is having on our lives, but there’s more to this article that I want to address. While this article mentions post-lockdown divorces, the main focus is housework.
Oh. My. Stars.
If your catalyst toward divorce is because you had to unload the dishwasher more times than him, we have some things to straighten out.
And on top of that, there is absolutely nothing trendy about divorce. Leaving your husband and pumpkin candles cannot and should not ever be grouped into the same category. Let’s wake up!
Let me also say, I’m not making a joke of leaving your husband. There are real and valid reasons for divorce or separation, but dirty dishes isn’t one of them. (Please don’t be afraid to seek help if you are in an abusive relationship or you suspect your husband may be cheating on you.)
The article concludes with this, “Now, imagine spending a year and a half working full-time, caring for your child largely unaided, and doing the majority of chores while your husband occasionally congratulated himself on putting the dishes away. Wouldn’t you want a goddamn divorce too?”
We’ve already stated this article isn’t geared toward military wives, but whew, if it doesn’t make my blood pressure rise anyways.
Maybe you have spent the past 18 months working full-time, raising babies, and caring for your home. Maybe you have done exactly all these things with little to no help from your husband. But your story is different, because you are a military wife.
Your role, beside your husband, is to support him while he lives out his calling. He sacrificially serves this nation and it is within your calling to serve in ways he can’t.
Yes, you may do more dishes or run more errands, but leaving him simply because the housework is unequally attended to is not a good reason.
You can be the most on trend woman on Instagram right now, but here are
Five Reasons Why This Fall Trend Isn’t For You
1. You will not listen to what others think is a good reason for divorce.
Stand strong within your marriage as a military wife. Fight for him and pray he fights for you. If this season is especially difficult, take action and seek help. Don’t throw it away yet.
2. You can learn to shift your perspective when marriage is hard.
It’s hard to see the situation for what it truly is when you are the one living it out. Ask a friend to help you gain perspective on your situation. Pray for eyes to see the larger picture. Sometimes we need to take the airplane view in our relationships.
3. You will take time to remember why you married him.
If you have been married for any amount of time, you know it can be easy to slip into a comfortable routine with your husband. I challenge you to reflect back on what it was like when you were dating or engaged. Remember the butterflies in your stomach and the things you first noticed about him. Sure, you’ve both changed, but I challenge you to seek out the good in your husband.
4. You have the strength to forgive him and yourself.
This is a daily practice and never an easy thing. We are selfish by nature. Practice forgiving your husband, but don’t forget to forgive yourself, too. Take some of the pressure off. Forgive each other often. If this feels impossible, ask your pastor, mentor, or friend to keep you accountable.
5. You can learn to keep Jesus at the center.
Marriage is hard. Marriage is near impossible without Jesus. I pray for you and your relationship today, that Jesus would shower grace into your situation and show his vast love for you both. I pray you and your husband seek the Lord first as you continue to work on the marriage you have been called into. Amen.