What Eliza Hamilton Teaches Us About Military Wife Life
Truly one of my favorite gifts in 2020 was Disney Plus releasing the musical Hamilton.
After months in quarantine, a two hour and forty minute distraction in the form of historical storytelling was much appreciated.
Maybe you aren’t a Hamilton fan and sing along to lines like, “I’m not throwing away my shot,” but there’s something we can learn from this period of our nation’s history. And it has very little to do with Alexander Hamilton himself.
As I watched the musical (over the course of two nights, because I am old, for the love) one of my favorite characters quickly became Alexander’s wife, Eliza.
I have to admit, I remembered next to nothing from my AP US History class in high school, so the storyline of our founding fathers was hazy in my mind. But throughout the catchy songs and brilliant storytelling, I was drawn to Eliza over and over again. I craved more of her side of the story.
Praise be, I am not the only one who wanted more of Eliza.
Stephanie Dray and Laura Kamoie co-authored a remarkable historical fiction account of Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton. The novel My Dear Hamilton is a must read for Hamilton fans and military wives.
Yes, military wives.
My Dear Hamilton is written from Eliza’s point of view and I was surprised how relatable her life is for military wives today.
Nine Lessons From Eliza
As I listened and read (the audio book is great!) I couldn’t stop highlighting sections. I knew there were many lessons to be learned. Through her character and devotion to her husband, Eliza Hamilton teaches us, as military wives, how to:
Expect Interruptions
“An extremely waggish letter interrupted our honeymoon, reminding me that I was now a soldier's wife.” - Dray & Kamoie, My Dear Hamilton
I released an audible chuckle as I read this.
In the early months of Eliza’s marriage, she quickly learned who called the shots. Not her or even her husband, but the military. The military has no care for honeymoons or birthdays or teething children, so when letters arrive (phones ring), he must go. We must, just as Eliza learned, not only expect interruptions, but accept and handle them with grace.
Remember Our Role as a Helper
“I went to him, searching for the best way to soothe my husband, as a wife should. “You’re Washington’s most trusted aide,” I said, hoping the reminder of the vital role he played in the war would offer solace. “And as such, you daily command generals in the field even though they outrank you.” “Once, that might have been enough,” he replied, unconvinced. “But then I met you.” He turned and took my hand. “And now, instead of chasing a glorious death, I must somehow make a glorious life. Which is a great deal more trouble, wife.” “Fortunately, husband,” I replied, kissing his furrowed brow, “you needn’t do it alone.”” - Dray & Kamoie, My Dear Hamilton
We can often think of historical figures as larger than life, but they’re humans just like us. When Hamilton is full of doubts early in his military career, Eliza demonstrates an important model for communication. If your husband is frustrated with military life right now, you can:
Remind him of his calling and his role in the bigger picture
Assure him you are in it together
We, as military wives, are here to be helpers. There will be moments when our husbands doubt their calling. It is our job to encourage, reassure, and stand united.
Learn From Our Mentors
“I donned practical and patriotic homespun and endeavored to make myself useful to Mrs. Washington at headquarters. There, alongside the great lady, I threw myself into writing letters to raise money, hosting dignitaries who visited camp, and helping the slaves prepare meals for Washington’s little military family - repetitive suppers of bread, butter, and a spicy tripe stew, the scent of which was not altogether appetizing, but better than what the ordinary soldiers ate by far.” - Dray & Kamoie, My Dear Hamilton
Eliza found a mentor in Mrs. Washington. When she arrived in a new situation, she didn’t hesitate or mope around feeling sorry for herself, she threw herself into what needed to be done. We must remember to make ourselves useful while learning from those who are more experienced.
Military wife life won’t always be glorious. And we will be placed in unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations. When this happens, it’s important to:
Acknowledge the suck, but vow to show up
Find a mentor
Take action as you learn the ropes
Keep perspective
Be a Homemaker
“For my part, I’d promised that I would live anywhere with Hamilton, and I took genuine pleasure in transforming the shack into our home.” - Dray & Kamoie, My Dear Hamilton
It sounds like Eliza experienced the joys of new duty stations and base housing! I’d be lying if this didn’t make me squirm a bit. I don’t always find “genuine pleasure” in making our house a home. Part of living military wife life with grace means:
Remembering our promises to our husband
Making the best of what we have
Turning a house into a home, no matter what
Understanding how a clean environment is less stressful
Stand United
“My place is at your side in service of the cause.” - Dray & Kamoie, My Dear Hamilton
Regardless of the circumstances, a military wife’s place is beside her husband. Together they must stay united in his calling. There is a larger purpose to your unity and we can’t forget what the uniform stands for. Eliza models this with such grace and brilliance.
Stay Committed
“But I think it better, in times like these, for us to acknowledge that marriage is a choice, one made, every day, anew.” - Dray & Kamoie, My Dear Hamilton
If you don't know much about Eliza’s life and marriage, you may be surprised. Like so many military families, she endured time away from her husband, financial troubles, betrayal, and loss. In the midst of so much tragedy, she continued to choose to fight for her marriage. She chose him every single day.
Live with Gratitude
“No wonder marriage required a vow before God and witnesses. It was no easy thing. And yet, the struggles somehow made me cherish it more.” - Dray & Kamoie, My Dear Hamilton
This is a truly remarkable line. To be able to cherish the struggles in your marriage takes an incredible amount of humility and gratitude. Eliza understood the magnitude of her marriage vows and she worked hard to appreciate the life they built together.
Be Courageous
“But the measure of a man, of a life, of a union of man and wife or even country is not in the falling. It’s in the rising back up again to repair what’s broken, to put right what’s wrong.” - Dray & Kamoie, My Dear Hamilton
If anyone knows how to pick up the pieces and keep going, it’s Eliza Hamilton. It takes an incredible amount of courage to repair the broken parts of us, the broken parts of our marriage. Sure, there will be moments when it feels like everything is failing. It’s okay. We’re allowed to feel afraid when everything is upside down. You have it in you to right the wrongs. You have it in you to rise up again. You have it in you to keep fighting.
Keep Our Identity Rooted
“I was someone before I met Alexander Hamilton. Not someone famous or important or with a learned philosophical understanding of all that was at stake in our revolution. Not a warrior or a philosopher or statesman.
But I was a patriot.
I was no unformed skein of wool for Hamilton to weave together into any tapestry he wished. That's important for me to remember now, when every thread of my life has become tangled with everything he was. Important, I think, in sorting out what can be forgiven, to remember my own experiences - the ones filled with my own yearnings that had nothing to do with him.
I was, long before he came into my life, a young woman struggling to understand her place in a changing world. And torn, even then, between loyalty, duty, and honor in the face of betrayal.” - Dray & Kamoie, My Dear Hamilton
One thing to keep in mind as we live military wife life is our identity. Yes, we are called to stand beside our military husband. Yes, we are called to be his helper. All those things are true and you are absolutely purposed to be a military wife in this season of your life. But remember who you are at your core. Your entire identity is not rooted in him. You had dreams and visions for your life long before you met your husband. Those are still there and while you may struggle to find your place in the world sometimes, the Lord didn’t accidentally put those desires in your heart. Keep your identity rooted in who you are in Christ and live with hope.
These are nine lessons I learned from Eliza Hamilton, but I encourage you to read (or listen to) My Dear Hamilton and discover more of her remarkable life. Happy reading :)