pity party guide
The Hubs Left on Deployment...Now What?
I’ve been a Navy wife for 12 years and one of my favorite pieces of advice was bestowed on me before my husband’s first deployment in 2014.
Not all advice is good advice, but this one stuck with me all these years and it’s something I willingly pass on to new wives.
The timeline leading up to my husband’s first deployment was insanity, but you know it well.
November 2013 - deliver our triplets in NV
December 2013 - NICU journey
January and February 2014 - adjust to life with triplets and a toddler
March 2014 - house hunting in MS
April 2014 - move from NV to MS
May 2014 - Mike deploys
Two weeks before the hubs flew to Okinawa, I attended a FRG Meeting. I rolled up to the base youth center with no clue what I was getting myself into. I didn’t know what to expect but I knew I would need other wives to get me through our first deployment.
I knew community was important.
And it was at that first meeting I heard one of the best pieces of advice.
“Heather, when he leaves you don’t have to be a rockstar right away. You’re allowed to throw yourself a pity party, because the honest truth is that it sucks and it sucks hard. You’re allowed to cry and barely survive BUT you MUST put a time limit on it.”
And there it is. Put a time limit on your pity party.
I’ve learned this doesn’t apply only to deployments.
When you move to a new place, put a time limit on your pity party.
When you don’t get the orders you want, put a time limit on your pity party.
When reintegration gets ugly, put a time limit on your pity party.
I’m giving you permission to let it suck and to feel the feelings, but you can’t stay there.
If it’s 2 days, great.
If it’s 6 hours, great.
If it’s 1 week, great.
You know if you are a slow or fast processor, so you get to decide your pity party time length, but set a deadline and stick to it. When your pity party is over you can get back to being the rockstar we know you are.
Now that we know the rule, let’s chat about what your pity party can look like. This is the fun part.
Pity Party Ideas for Military Wives
Mani/Pedi - treat your darn self, lady
Massage - do you know how high you’ve been carrying your shoulders lately? Let someone work the stress out of your physical body
Pour a Glass of Wine - or cheers your favorite cocktail with a friend
Order Dinner - let someone else cook for you
Take a Bath - with a book, candles, and a bath bomb of course
Have Chocolate and Popcorn for a Meal - or whatever your favorite snack foods are
Facial - whether it’s in a salon or an at-home face mask
Coffee Date - call up your bestie and have a coffee chat, either in-person or via FaceTime
Switch to Paper Plates - because you cannot handle real dishes when you are having a pity party
Chick Flick and Ice Cream - cliché but oh so helpful
Flowers - buy yourself the flowers
Go for a Walk - in the fresh air and don’t even worry about what your hair looks like. The neighbors don’t care
*Do you know a fellow military wife getting ready for a deployment or a new season she is dreading? Take one or two of these ideas and be her pity party coordinator by gifting her something from the list. Give her permission to throw herself a mini pity party, but remind her to set an end date.
Happy gifting!
