seeking approval
Gut Check: Whose Approval Are You Seeking?
Just recently I had what I thought was a great idea.
A. Great. Idea.
You know those moments when you get a creative breakthrough and you think it is GOLD?
I was spending time brainstorming ways to help military couples stay connected during deployments. I wrote down countless ideas, everything I could think of, and by the end of my brainstorming session, one specific project started to take shape. I couldn’t wait to dive in.
Or at least I thought that’s how it was going to go.
I excitedly sent messages to a close friend and while I was waiting for her to validate me, I told my husband all about this new thing I was going to do.
You know what happened?
They thought it was just an okay idea, but maybe I shouldn’t put too much time and money into it, because it was just okay.
Talk about deflating a balloon. Less like a slow hiss and more like a needle straight to the latex.
Do you know how long ago I had that idea? Three months.
I have let other people dictate the success or failure of my idea for over 3 months. And that’s just one project!
It really made me start thinking about how many other times in my life I let something pass by because I’m waiting on someone else’s approval. And I know I’m not alone.
As I begin to ask myself these questions, I’m inviting you in so we can reflect together.
Look inward and ask
Whose approval are you seeking right now?
If you can’t think of anything right away, maybe these examples will get your mind working.
-Do you want to do something fun with your hair, but find yourself waiting until your husband or best friend agrees with you?
-Do you want to start a new business but are too afraid of what others will think?
-Do you clean and cook daily for the sole purpose of gaining his approval?
Why does their opinion/approval matter so much?
What would it look like if you did the thing anyway, even without their approval?
The thing about waiting on someone else’s approval is that you waste perfectly good time. And you torment your own mind in the process.
Seeking someone else’s approval will only lead to disappointment because they don't have your vision. They can’t see what you see.
And that is okay!
We can celebrate our own vision without gaining the approval of others.
Do we need support in our endeavors? Yes. But support and approval are two different things.
A husband and wife are called to support one another, but living for each other’s approval can feel toxic.
As military wives, we can still support our husbands and not approve of a situation.
Much like most of military life - we support him in his calling, but we don’t always approve of what he has to do. We don’t always like it. We don’t always think it’s the best idea, but we support it.
If there is something stirring in your heart and you keep shoving it deeper down because you feel like you don’t have the approval of those around you, think about it in a new light. Ask your husband for support, but don’t hinge everything on his approval. Remember, while yes, he is your husband, he doesn’t have your same dreams and visions.
Seek support not approval.
You don't need the approval of the outside world to pursue what you have in your heart. If God put the dream there He will make a way. You already have His approval if He is the one calling you into your place.
You need supporters, not approvers.