why military wives can't sleep

Did you know military wives struggle with sleep more than civilian wives?

It's true!

According to the Blue Star Families 2020 Military Family Lifestyle Survey, only 38% of active-duty military spouses get enough quality sleep to feel like they can function effectively.

That means the next time you go to a small group function within your military community, six out of ten women sitting in the room struggle with getting enough sleep.

The reported national average in the United States is the exact opposite according to the CDC.

What’s happening?

I asked some of you if sleep is a struggle and my mini Instagram poll research agrees with the statistic given by Blue Star Families. We really are having a hard time sleeping as military wives.

I decided to dig a little deeper for us.

What is contributing to our struggle with sleep? Let’s take a look at what some of you had to say on Instagram (saved in highlights):

• Deployments

Whether you are in a deployment rotation right now or your husband is traveling a lot, the constant change in schedules makes it hard to adjust. Sleeping alone for weeks or months on end becomes your norm and then all of a sudden you have to adjust to having another human beside you (usually putting off massive amounts of body heat). It’s difficult!

Another thing affecting your sleep is being able to put yourself to bed on time when he is gone. If he is across the globe and you are working with massive time zone shifts to communicate, you know the struggle to sleep vs. video chat together. No wonder deployments make it so tough to get quality sleep.

• Health Issues

While this isn’t specific to military wives, health issues play a big role in your ability to sleep well. (Definitely talk with your PCM (Primary Care Manager) about your health issues/medications and how sleep is being affected.)

• Worry/Anxiety

It’s no secret your husband has a stressful job sometimes. As wives, it’s in our nature to worry about and care for our husbands. We want the best for the ones we love and it’s hard to calm our nerves and trust the Lord. One of you talked about the worry you feel when your husband is working late. You feel the need to stay up to make sure he is safe. 

Some of you talked about the endless to-do lists racing through your mind and leaving you feeling restless. 

Another one of you said the uncertainty of military life keeps you up at night. Especially if you are in a season of waiting on orders, it’s easy to let the “what ifs” consume your mind at night.

• Overthinking

Lots of you said you feel like you can’t turn your brain off; that you feel like you have to always be doing something. I feel this deep in my bones. I think a lot of us, as women, can relate to overthinking, which can definitely lead to anxious thoughts. This is a tough one!

• Mom Life

And of course we can’t forget about the sleepless nights of motherhood. Pile this on top of everything else military life throws at us and it’s amazing any of us are sleeping at all!

Something else we talked about on Instagram was how your only alone time with your husband was after the kids went to bed. You are intentional about your marriage, which is a great thing, but because of those precious minutes and hours with your husband, you are sacrificing sleep. 

• Husband’s Work Schedule

Not only is he coming and going at weird times, but maybe your husband has a work phone that rings at all hours of the day and night. This is a big one for us in our house and it’s hard.

Military wives, what a list! Our job feels impossible and it obviously takes a toll on our sleep. 

Fight Back

Here are 6 ways to fight back against the sleep struggle:

1. Get honest with yourself and admit why you struggle to get enough quality sleep. Is it anxiety? New meds? No evening discipline?

2. Create an evening shut down routine. My mentor Emily P. Freeman has a podcast episode all about this and it is GOLD. I shared it on another blog post recently, but it’s too good not to share again. She also has a 10 minute evening routine checklist that you may find helpful.

3. No screens before bed. This is tough, but give yourself 10 minutes screen-free before bed. Read a book or spend time doing gratitude instead of scrolling IG.

4. Put yourself to bed early. Don't let the couch and Netflix be your lullaby.

5. Give it to Jesus. When I wake in the middle of the night worried about Mike, our next set of orders, or how we’re going to pay the bills next month, I remind myself of our calling as a military family. The Lord put us here and He will see us through this season. 

6. Stand on the promise of sweet sleep. “When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster…” (Proverbs 3:24-25a NIV)

If you have tips and tricks to help you sleep well, please share them in the comments below! Let’s help each other.