do military families need routines?

It feels like every summer we spend a lot of our time packing and unpacking from trips. It’s not so much the organization and laundry train that irritate me, but the shift in behaviors and routines.

Most recently we went to Pennsylvania to visit extended family. As our kids are now a little older, we tried to push the limits on bedtimes and meal times throughout our trip. We wanted our days to be less structured and more easy-breezy.

Let me clue you in to how that went. After several late nights, early mornings, and shifted meal times, we noticed our kids getting snippy with each other. Tempers were high and patience was almost non-existent. It was like they were toddlers again and I instantly knew we needed to get everyone back on a loose routine.

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Even without the added stress of travelling, military families walk through seasons of intense change and instability. With so much uncertainty, it’s important to understand why our children and families need routines. And not just when the kids are small.

When Kids Are Little

When our 4 kids were babies and toddlers, we felt ruled by nap times and nursing schedules. Those tinies let us know if we were fifteen minutes late for lunch. Their attitudes the next day let us know if we pushed bedtime too late the night before.

We assumed as the kids got older we’d have complete freedom once we graduated out of diapers. Complete freedom was where we went wrong.

What We’re Learning About Routines

Sure, when we were on our most recent trip, we noticed marked changes in our children’s behavior if they weren’t getting good enough sleep or proper nutrition. But what we didn’t expect was how much a lack of routine affects the whole family. 

We noticed a disconnect happening between Mike and me as well as sibling rivalries at an all-time high. I personally felt distanced from the kids and because we weren’t having regular times to check in with each other, I didn’t know how to help everyone anymore.

Even though our kids are older, routines are just as important to their development and behaviors.

We Aren’t the Only Ones Realizing This

The more I started looking into routines as a family, the more affirmations I found.

In an article about family routines, Dr. Claire McCarthy, a pediatrician at Boston Children’s Hospital says, “When you are happy and secure, you are much more able to learn and interact in healthy ways. When (children) are unhappy, insecure or unsure of their environment, energy goes into dealing with that…”

We feel secure when we know what to expect. Our children are no different.

If there is a way to create a schedule, routine, or rhythm in your day, your entire family will benefit.

When we let go of a routine or don’t have one to begin with, we can notice things like crankiness, less cooperation, higher stress, and less confidence. (Do Kids Need Routines and Schedules?)

What Helps Create a Family Routine?

Before you dive into creating a rigid schedule for you and your busy family, here are a few things to ask:

  • What’s important to you? (eating dinner together, time outside, bedtime routines, etc.)

  • What does your current season allow for when thinking about daily/weekly routines? (kids' ages, work schedules, etc.)

  • What do you want to get out of having a family routine? (sleep goals, healthy eating habits, quality time spent together, etc.)

If you and your family need a daily routine right now, consider things like:

  • Mandatory outside time

  • Mandatory reading time

  • Meals eaten at the same times each day

  • Bedtime routines

  • Weekend relaxation

If you can’t even fathom daily routines, but still want something each week to look forward to, consider:

  • Church together as a family each week

  • Friday night movie night

  • Game nights


Need more guided resources to help you and your family create routines?

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Heather Eberhartmorning routine, routine, military wife, familyComment