craving community
Last week on the blog we talked about walking through loneliness when your husband is gone. Toward the end of the post I listed practical ways to combat loneliness. One of the common threads within that list was community. The right community.
I don't know about you but if 2020 taught me anything, it's that community matters. (for more on loneliness during the pandemic, read this blog post from April 2021)
Whether you are walking through a deployment right now or still recovering from pandemic isolation, there's one thing you need to remember.
The right community matters.
The right community matters because “bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corin. 15:33)
We can't do #militarywifelife alone, but we also can't do it well if we aren't connected to the right people.
Before we get into the right vs wrong community, let's think about when you may feel lonely and how different each situation is. Here’s what I’ve experienced.
Every PCS I go through a short period of loneliness. It's normal! Moving to a new place where I know no one can feel extremely isolating.
Deployments and separations leave me feeling lonely, especially in the evenings. It's hard to not battle feelings of isolation when my favorite person isn't home.
When we added a new kiddo to our family, I felt isolated. Major family changes have a way of making me feel lonely sometimes.
And here's one that may surprise you,
Hanging out with people who negatively influence me, leaves me feeling lonely.
As military wives we tend to make friends fast. We can find ourselves being vulnerable with someone we met an hour before. This is both good and bad.
On one hand it's a survival technique. If we want to make meaningful, lasting relationships as military wives, we have to work on a fast schedule. We can’t be afraid to jump into new conversations with two feet. But sometimes we figure out the person we are trying to make our best friend really isn't our person after all. That's okay, but there can be a moment in the relationship when you are seemingly happy but they're rubbing off on you in a way you weren't aware of in the beginning.
Even though we feel lonely and desperate sometimes, we must understand there is a right and wrong community. We must keep our eyes open to how our friendships are impacting our own lives and the health of our families.
So what do we need to learn about community in order to equip us in the future? Let's take a look.
There are 3 types of community
right community
If you are plugged into the right community, you will see growth in your own life. Surrounding yourself with the right people means you have a network of friends willing to help you, love you, support you, challenge you, and stay loyal to you.
Quality friends are sometimes hard to find, but the benefits far outweigh the struggle. Ecclesiastes tells us, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” (Ecc. 4:9-10 NLT)
When you are in a tough spot in the middle of a deployment and you cry out for help from those around you, you want someone to jump into your mess with you and figure things out. You don’t want a friend to hand you a glass of wine and tell you to suck it up.
wrong community
As I said before there were times in my military wife journey when I was surrounded by all the wrong people. Just because we have a tight circle of military wives doesn’t mean we are in the right community.
Romans 12:2 tells us “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
This verse talks about conforming to the world around us and that’s exactly what we need to be aware of when inserting ourselves into different friend groups. Ask yourself if those closest to you are also living out a Romans 12:2 life. If they aren’t, love them from a distance, and find other life-giving friends to welcome into your tight-knit community.
no community
We may be aware of good friends vs. bad friends or the right community vs. the wrong community, but there’s an even bigger issue in today’s society. If you notice yourself spending too much time alone, you need to re-evaluate and get connected. The strength of those around you help you from quitting.
If there are things you are considering giving up on right now (life, weight loss journey, business, church) lean on the strength of others to help get you through. Staying to yourself is just as harmful as surrounding yourself with the wrong people.
You may even be doing this without thinking! Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” What verb is used in the beginning? WALK. Walking with the wise means doing life with one another. It doesn’t mean listening to podcasts or learning about wisdom from cute social media graphics. It means getting out of your comfort zone and getting in a relationship with the right community so you can cultivate growth in your own life.
I know it all sounds so simple, but sometimes making true friends is the hardest thing we can do. True fulfillment comes from being vulnerable.
Check your relationships right now. Are you in the right community? Wrong community? Or no community at all?
I’m cheering you on in whatever the Lord is speaking to you today.