walking through loneliness when he is gone
It was his second deployment and I was surrounded by four small children. The noise in our home was widespread. Hugs and giggles were numerous, the tantrums plentiful.
And never did I feel more alone.
Loneliness creeps into the lives of every military wife whether we have children or not. We can experience loneliness in a crowded room or alone on the couch. And these feelings are heightened when our husbands leave.
How do we navigate this ever-present feeling? How do we walk through our loneliness when our husbands are gone?
Before you look at how to walk through loneliness we need to look at why we feel this way. Sometimes the answers to our issues lie in naming the source.
So, ask yourself → why do I feel lonely?
Is it because the love of your life is halfway across the ocean?
Is it because you are distanced from your extended family?
Is it because you just moved to a new state?
What is making your feelings of loneliness feel magnified right now?
Sometimes laying it all out on the table for your human eyes to see is all you need to realize your feelings of loneliness are valid and true. It’s okay to feel this way. You can acknowledge it and move forward knowing it’s okay to feel lonely right now, but you don’t have to stay stuck here.
As you move through this process, you don’t have to stop there though. Let’s dive one step deeper as we process our loneliness.
Deuteronomy 31:6 says, "Be strong and courageous; don't be terrified or afraid of them. For the Lord your God is the one who will go with you; he will not leave you or abandon you."
This verse tells us the Lord will be with us and we can take comfort in those words alone. But I want to point out something else in this verse.
Moses is speaking to all of Israel in this passage and he is passing the torch of his leadership to Joshua. He's talking to his people about driving out nations and crossing miles and miles of land together. In its original context, this verse isn't about battling loneliness. It's about legit battles, but our God is a living God and He can speak to us in our here and now with any verses He wants to.
What I love about Deuteronomy 31:6 is how it gives us encouragement with the hard things we know we need to do. This verse doesn't say 'sit back, relax. I'll never leave you, but you can chill on your mats in the wilderness watching Netflix and I'll take care of everything."
The answer to loneliness lies in taking action.
Moses wouldn't have told his people to have courage if he didn't think they were going to be put in uncomfortable situations - situations in which they would need courage.
We are no different thousands of years later.
Yes, you may feel lonely right now and the Lord is with you always, so take comfort in His presence, but also have courage as you take giant steps forward.
Put on your big girl panties, inhale, exhale, and take action. The answer to your loneliness lies in taking action and God is instructing you to be courageous and not to be afraid.
No one around you knows you are lonely unless you tell them. Be courageous and be vulnerable.
No one around you knows you need to set up a playdate to keep you sane unless you tell them. Be courageous and send out a few text messages to other Moms in the area.
No one around you knows you need help painting your living room unless you tell them. Be courageous and ask for help.
No one around you knows how much your quiet house is eating away at your nerves. Be courageous and pick something to do from this list. (Surviving the Eerie Silence - 9 Practical Ways to Overcome a Silent House When Your Husband Leaves)
No one around you knows how lonely you feel when he is gone even if you are surrounded by children. Be courageous and intentional about cultivating deep friendships.
Fighting back against loneliness is not easy. The answers may be simple and easy to read, but taking action is hard.
Here are a few practical ways you can start to battle loneliness when your husband leaves
1. Go to church - For several reasons, finding a great church can be instrumental in fighting back against loneliness. A healthy church body is welcoming and will open their arms to you. There are also plenty of ways to serve within a church. Get plugged in!
2. Connect with other military wives - If you can, connect with other local military wives. Your base/post should have a wives club or Facebook page you can plug into. Military wives understand your situation and there is so much to learn from the wives who have more experience.
3. Create a calling calendar - Set aside several times each week to call a close friend or family member on the phone or FaceTime. Talking to your besties is so healing. Doing this on a schedule also helps you look forward to certain days throughout your week. For example, I call my best friend in California (another Navy wife) every Sunday night. I had to set phone reminders in the beginning, but now it's muscle memory. I treasure this time with her even though we are on opposite sides of the country.
4. Volunteer - There is something magical about serving others when your own heart hurts. Look for an opportunity to give back to the community you live in and help those in need. I promise you'll be refreshed.
5. Read your Bible - This sounds like we should already know this, but sometimes we need to be reminded to turn to Jesus. Look up verses about how He comforts His people and how amazing His love is. He is the Word and will always speak to you through the words written in your Bible. Seek Him there.
6. Seek professional help - If you've tried all this for months and are still struggling, I would absolutely suggest finding a therapist to help talk things through. Talk about your loneliness and ways you can remedy your current pain.
Loneliness will always be a part of our story. We must be able to feel the loneliness, acknowledge it, but not let it consume us. Our lives don't pause during deployments and TDYs. Use the practical ways above and pray about crawling out of your cave into the light. Jesus is with you always as you take action.