Surviving the Eerie Quiet

The first few days of your husband’s deployment or TDY feel, well we could end the sentence there.

They feel.

They feel weird. Sad. Different. Strange. Awkward. Hard. Hopeful. Lonely. Scary.

Those first days and weeks feel any number of feels.

You may find yourself breathing out the breath you didn’t know you were holding because now the countdown to his return can begin.

You may find yourself on high alert because you have never had to care for your kiddos by yourself until now.

You may feel like you live in the twilight zone because you’ve said goodbye so many times already.

Or you may feel lost and alone in a quiet house without kids.

What we know for certain is it will never be the same twice, which basically means we don’t know anything for certain.

Comforting, right?

Regardless of what season of life you are in, there will always be moments when a quiet house feels strange.

Today’s blog post focuses on surviving the eerie quiet.

To the military wife who has young kids and a busy family, you may think how glorious a quiet house sounds right about now.

But to the new wife with no kids, this post is for you.

Or maybe you have grown children and your husband is leaving you with a quiet house for the first time in decades, this post is for you, too.

Personally, I don’t have a lot of experience in this area. My husband’s first TDY happened before we had kids, but we were able to see each other almost every weekend. And his first deployment came on the heels of the birth of our triplets, so our house was far from quiet with four children needing full-time care.

In order to create these survival tips for you, I called on some of my rockstar military wives who have first-hand experience going through deployments before kids.

And I know we didn’t curate an extensive battle plan, but our prayer for this list was to get the wheels turning for those who need it.

1. Leave the House

This may sound obvious, but if you struggle with the silence in your home when your spouse is gone, leave the house more. If you work outside the home but evenings are hard, schedule dinner dates with friends or sign up for Bible studies at your church. Find activities to do throughout your days and evenings to keep you from sitting alone in a quiet home.

2. Use the Silence

On the flip side, you can’t leave the house forever and ever, right? So, take advantage of the quiet, but set a timer! What activities are best done in silence? Make a list of those things and set timers. If the silence has a purpose, it won’t be so overwhelming. Use the stillness in the morning to read your Bible and pray. When your designated morning time with Jesus is finished, turn on music or go outside. Use the silence, but give it an end time.

3. Get a Pet

I know this isn’t an option for everyone, but getting a new puppy or kitten will certainly fill your empty home. Pets make fantastic companions, but please talk to your husband before you surprise him with a new pet! Having an animal around to take care of will distract you in a positive way.

4. Travel

If you have the time and flexibility, it can be helpful to schedule trips. Having something to look forward to on your calendar is a healthy way to fight back against the quiet feelings of isolation. Even if you visit your family for a quick weekend trip, being able to focus your mind on something other than the empty house around you is very helpful in surviving the quiet.

5. New Recipes

Cooking for one can be difficult when he leaves, but this is also a great chance to try new recipes that your husband wouldn’t normally like. The process of finding new recipes, creating your store list, shopping, prepping food, and cooking is a great way to battle the stillness around you. And you are learning new skills in the process. Win win!

6. Home Improvement Projects

Use his time away to check a few things off your home improvement list. Even if you are living on base or in an apartment, you can decorate or garden. Make a list at the beginning of his time away and each week tackle a new project. When you are working with your hands, your mind stays busy too. Turn on your favorite playlist and enjoy creating a fresh new space in your home.

7. Find Friends With Kids

As a Mom of four I can confidently say my house is never quiet. So if you are a new wife struggling in a quiet house, find friends with kids. Maybe another wife in your area just had a baby and needs help juggling pre-K drop-off with her older kid. Offer to come sit with the sleeping newborn while she does drop-off solo so she doesn’t have to load the baby in the car seat.

8. Music

Music can be a great way to fill a quiet house. Put on worship music in the mornings as you are cooking breakfast. Listen to your favorite radio station on your way to work. Create new playlists for when you are working in your garden. Let music help you through the silence.

9. Host

And the biggest survival tip I can offer is don’t be afraid to host! It isn’t always comfortable to invite people over, but filling your home with other wives and friends is the best way to battle the silence. If you aren’t working right now, start a Bible Study in the mornings. If your quiet evenings are a struggle, start a Book Club. Post on your local military spouse Facebook page and open your home.

I hope this list is helpful and if you have anything to add, please leave it in the comments.