watch your mouth
3 things you never say to a military wife
I’m guilty, too! I’m not always great with words and sometimes I say something and wonder where on earth that thought came from. The truth is, we can all do better. Let’s not let our ignorance shape our words. Use what you don’t know to be curious and learn from those who aren’t like you!
As military wives, we know our civilian friends and families don’t know what it is like. Deep down we understand that you don’t understand. And that is okay! Be curious! Ask questions, but please stop saying things like
1 :: I don’t know how you do it
Listen, we don’t know how we do it either. Sure, I feel like I have a decent grip on military life after almost 12 years, but that doesn’t mean it is any easier or any less unexpected. When you say this it makes us feel like this is a life you would never choose, therefore putting us beneath you. We know this life isn’t for everyone, but we gladly support our husbands so they can protect your freedoms, too. Please don’t look at our lives from afar and wonder how we do it, but link arms with us so we can create a better America.
2 :: You knew what you were getting into when you said yes
Not. Quite.
Not even a little bit.
I didn’t grow up in a military family, so I was totally clueless. But even for those who grew up as military brats understand how different this life is when you are married to it.
Please don’t assume we signed up for this. Yes, we fell in love with a man we were willing to sacrifice quite a lot for, but that doesn’t excuse us from needing to learn how life works as a military family.
3 :: I’d kill myself if I had to do what you do
Can we just not? Why are these even words that come out of your mouth? I happen to love this life, but there are some struggling with thoughts of suicide every single day. Can we stop pretending like this isn’t a real issue in the military right now?
Instead, we would love to hear:
Thank you
We know how hard military life can be and hearing a genuine thank you makes our sacrifices worth it. Even if it looks like we are drowning as a military wife, be grateful. We may not get it right every single time, but we are trying our hardest to support our husbands well so they can continue to fight for the freedoms of America.
How can I pray for you?
I get it, you may not know what to say, but we will always welcome prayer. You can pray for us, our kids, our husbands, our faraway families, our leaders, the list is endless. We appreciate your prayers!
We get it, military life gets dramatized on TV shows and movies. And if there is no one close to you that has served, it may be hard to understand. That’s okay.
I love when Michelle Obama said.
“I always say every American should spend some time in a military community, on base…Any complaints that I might have paled, seemed silly when I looked at some of these families dealing with their eighth and ninth deployments…These families are brave. They do not complain.”
At the end of the day, we’re just like you. We are wives and mamas trying to make the most of our own normal. Our everyday situations are different, but we are still a lot alike in many ways. We’re open to conversations with friends and family who are genuinely curious and invested. And most of all, we’re happy that we get to serve, too.