when life gets messy
Our four kids can destroy a clean room in under 90 seconds.
But the reverse takes 3 hours.
The destruction can happen quickly. The restoration takes longer.
I don’t know if you’re experiencing this, but chances are, you feel scrambled. Nothing is routine and our schedules shift without warning.
Our husband’s work schedules are changing.
Our children’s school schedules are changing.
We, as moms and wives, have to make countless decisions every day right now and it leaves our brains scrambled at best.
I’m going through a Bible study right now called, A Woman Who Doesn’t Quit: 5 Habits from the Book of Ruth by Nicki Koziarz. There’s a verse she highlights in Week 2 that speaks to the mess we may find ourselves in. Even though this is a study on Ruth, the verse she mentions is from 2 Corinthians. In chapter 4, verse 8 we start to read the following words
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
Nicki asks us to reflect on our lives and examine some areas that feel messy.
My thought patterns feel messy.
My kitchen is messy.
My living room currently has Valentines scattered from corner to corner.
My kids’ bathroom has toothpaste stuck on the counters from four days ago because they cannot manage to put toothpaste on their toothbrushes without also smearing the sink.
All these areas of my life, whether physical or mental, are messy.
Decision making is messy. Thought patterns are messy. The house is messy.
But what can we do? Because it feels like this pandemic is never going to end and it feels like the kids will never leave the house long enough for me to clean the bathroom sinks.
So, as Nicki asks in the study, what area of your life feels messy today?
I don’t know if you are like me, but I start to feel paralyzed when I look around at how much mess is piling up. There are loads of things that need to be done, but I can’t for the life of me do any of them.
Why can’t I just clean the bathroom sinks? Why can’t I just finish the pile of laundry? Why can’t I get myself unstuck from this mess of a thought pattern that I have myself in?
For the physical mess, the answer sounds simple, just do it. But when we feel overwhelmed and paralyzed, even beginning feels hard.
I have a quote hanging in my office that often reminds me of a simple way to go about the things that feel too overwhelming.
“Do what you know. Use what you have. Finish what you start.” -Myquillyn Smith
Hopefully that’s helpful for you today.
But what about the mental mess? What does it look like to get yourself unstuck from your messy thought patterns?
1. Acknowledge you are broken
You are a broken person. You screw up. You make mistakes. You are not a perfect human and you don’t need to try to be. You don’t have to wear a mask for anybody. You are broken and it is okay. Acknowledge your brokenness and then
2. Identify the lies you are telling yourself
We find ourselves in these messy thought patterns because there are things we believe about ourselves that aren’t true. Things that don’t come from Jesus. We tell ourselves we are failures, are not loved, cannot do hard things, are not good moms or wives. These are all things we may tell ourselves that are not true. Once you identify the lies
3. Find the truth to counter the lie
Take a few minutes and look in the back of your Bible to see what it says about love or failure. See if you can find anywhere in the Bible that says you are a failure. See if you can find a verse that affirms the way you tell yourself you aren’t a good mom. Spoiler, those verses don’t exist. The Lord promises certain things for us and you can find the truths to replace the lies. Next,
4. Write/say affirmations of truth
Once you find your truths, write affirmations and declare them daily. More on how to do this later. Finally,
5. Ask a friend to pray with/for you
This has two immediate benefits. It forces you to say, with your out loud voice, the things you are struggling with. Having somebody stand in the gap for you when you don’t feel like you can stand there yourself is not only Biblical it is an act of humility. It gives you accountability for the things you need to work on.
Using these five steps can help you break through the messy thought patterns you often feel stuck in.
The hardest step may be getting started, but you are not defined by your circumstances or your current environment. Your identity is not rooted in the things that you can or cannot accomplish today. Know that even if it takes you two days to clean the bathroom, you will still be loved and you are still a child of God. But, sister, you can do the hard things.
Remember, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
I said I would revisit step 4, so let’s do that now. We can write affirmations from this truth. This verse is a truth we can use to replace lies we may be telling ourselves.
- I am not crushed (even though it feels like everything is working against me)
- I am not in despair (even though it feels like life is a giant question mark)
- I am not abandoned (even though it feels like I’m being attacked right now)
- I am not destroyed (even though it feels like one hit after the other)
It’s hard work, but we don’t have to quit.
We don’t have to be stuck in our messy thought patterns
We don't have to be stuck with piles of laundry.
We can do hard things because God created us to do hard things.
You are a strong, strong woman.
Now, go love your family well and love yourself well, because God loves you well.