when prayers & posture disagree
As military wives, we often think about what’s next.
Where will his next set of orders send us?
When is the next deployment?
What school will my child attend next year?
What does the next PCS look like?
With our minds focused on what’s next, it’s hard to navigate the present. I find myself asking how to be present and grateful when my mind is postured toward the future. It’s difficult.
When we encounter feelings of overwhelm about what’s next, we often hear the advice to pray. It’s great advice and I’m here for all the prayers. I talk about prayer a lot, but what I haven’t covered yet is what happens when our prayers and posture disagree.
What happens when what we say in our prayers doesn’t match the emotions we attach to the situation?
Mike and I are currently in a season of waiting on orders. Every time we are in this situation, we pray. With both our out loud and internal voices, we pray for the Lord to send us where He needs us. We pray for minimal waiting. We pray for opportunities to open up and for a place to be prepared for us. We let the Lord know our top preferences, but ultimately we end each prayer by asking Him to take control and lead us where He wants us.
Most recently, we’ve been praying these same types of prayers for over a month or more. So, it surprised me when I found myself crying hysterically on the floor of our living room last week after finding out our top choice was no longer an option for us.
You see, I had prayed one way, but let my emotions take hold in quite the opposite direction. I thought I prayed all the right things, but when God’s plans didn’t align with our plans, I fell apart. It was an alarming, eye-opening experience and I soon realized I needed to pay closer attention to the posture of my heart and the prayers I’m praying.
It would be unhealthy to continue to attach my emotions to what I want while I continue to “give it to God.” Praying for the Lord to send us where He wants us means I also have to release control of what I think is best. And that is no easy task.
The Bible tells us to “pay attention to my words; listen closely to my sayings. Don’t lose sight of them; keep them within your heart.” Proverbs 4:20-21 CSB
We not only need to pay attention to what the Lord tells us, but we must also keep it within our hearts. And that, I think, is one of the pieces missing in my own prayer life right now. I can go through my prayer time and say all the right things, but I don’t match those words with what my heart also feels.
Our emotions aren’t always a faithful friend, but that doesn’t mean we can’t feel the feelings and move forward.
This week, Mike and I are back in the waiting game with one less option available, but that’s okay. We trust the Lord has greater plans and we’re trying our best to cling to the promises available in Scripture. We continue to pray, but we’re also reminding ourselves to hand over our emotions also.
Here are the promises we are clinging to
Hopefully they are helpful for you, too.
“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 NLT
“‘... For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken, says the Lord who has mercy on you.’” Isaiah 54:10 NLT
“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20b NLT