Confession: Our Relationship is Struggling
Part Four of our Confession Series is here! If you’re new to the series, allow me to catch you up. We are taking real confessions from real military wives and opening up real discussions. The overall health of our military spouse community needs transparency. I am keeping all confessions anonymous, as requested, but through the vulnerability of those who submitted issues, we’re all able to benefit. If you missed any of the first three, you can find them here:
Confession: Military Life Isn’t What I Expected
Confession: Military Life Is Frustrating and I Take It Out On My Husband
Confession: I’m Scared He Won’t Come Home From Deployment
This week we are touching on something all too familiar → Confession: Our Relationship Is Struggling
If you aren’t experiencing this currently, I’m sure it doesn't take much for you to think back on a time when your marriage was struggling. If you are a new wife and haven’t had this moment yet, bookmark this post for a time you may need it in the future.
No matter your place, here’s what we all know and can agree on:
Marriage is hard.
Military life is hard.
Military marriages are hard.
Regardless of what you are struggling with in your relationship, understand you are doing something hard. You can release yourself of shame, guilt, and failure because this is no easy thing. Marriage to a service member requires great sacrifice, courage, grace, humility, and forgiveness. The fact that you can admit to struggling while still wanting to fix what is broken is a good sign.
I’m going to list several ideas to help your struggling marriage but remember, hard things take work. Without taking action, nothing will change and your marriage will continue to suffer. Be diligent.
1. Identify the source
Ask yourself and your spouse what might be at the core of your struggles? Finances, in-laws, work schedule, infidelity, time management, parenting, or illness? Sometimes this is obvious and other times we may have to do some digging to uncover what’s really going on.
2. Pray together
Keep the Lord at the center of your marriage by praying together. Yes, absolutely pray for your husband, but don’t underestimate the power of you both standing united in prayer.
3. Prioritize the relationship
The health of your marriage belongs at the top of your priority list (below your relationship with God, of course) and yes, even above your children. Love each other above all else - the kids, work, volunteering, extended family, or materialism. If you find your priorities have shifted lately, this could be one of the reasons for your struggles.
4. Seek help
Asking for help is hard, but it doesn't have to be extreme. First, each of you can try talking with a trusted friend or mentor. Sometimes just being able to voice your struggles is all the help you need. If that isn’t helping, ask your pastor for guidance. Stay open to the idea of gaining an outside perspective. You can also seek help in the form of marriage counseling or individual therapy.
5. Make a plan
Counseling and coffee with a friend won’t do much if you don’t follow it up with action steps. If you and your spouse need to get back to dating each other, get those date nights on the calendar. If you were advised to get your finances in check, look into a program like Financial Peace University. Working to keep your marriage healthy takes diligence and intentionality, so don’t skip the action steps.
Is there anything you would add? Don’t be afraid to share in the comments below!
